Scarce Identity: The Purple Side

Scarce Identity: The Purple Side

d2ec576031cfa11b906fc4802eb54c13I wouldn’t say this is a Prince tribute, but between his continuation and reading Frank Ocean’s tribute post on Tumblr, it encouraged me reveal a few passing thoughts.  Since Prince unforeseen move, there is a plethora of articles, think-pieces, opinion post about his non-conforming identity as a black male.  Frank Ocean alluded to this throughout his entry,”He was a straight black male who played his first televised set with bikini bottoms and knee high heeled boots.” Prince even eased Franks own self awareness when he said, “He made me more comfortable with how I identify sexually.” Now, not to be all in the mix, but we know exactly how that went down when he pulled that New York style butch-queen stunt right before releasing his debut album. Thus, collecting his coin from the gays dashing away into the mysterious leaving his fans and the newly gay fans for dry. Hopefully, Prince didn’t teach him how to Forest Gump…I digress, though. Prince own morals permeated the lives of many in the idea of self expression. However in my coming of age when sexuality and masculinity becomes the point in question out of every pubescent’s mouth, my inner thoughts always asked how can they respect his expression and not mine?

The high heeled purple spirit in bell bottoms, hip hugging jump suits, and Halle Berry short cuts was not around when I had to prove my manhood. He was before my time musically. The only time I would see him would be flashbacks shown on MTV some random Saturday afternoon. In those moments when he is wearing one his iconic flamboyant attires, I am thirteen trying to put him in a category as many currently did to me. Is he gay? What is he? People are allowing him to do these things? Boys can wear heels, since when? What seems to be homophobic questions from a sassy kid himself, were nothing more than inquisitions trying alleviate the suppression I put on myself.  I had to be meticulous in the way that I speak, dress, and act. Picking the tone in my voice and the way my hands move about with my words was a process as delicate as plucking petals. I was poor at suppressing those categories, but in how I dress I had no control over and Prince’s tight assembles were in contrast to the standard black male uniform of oversize everything. I had no celebrity hero that was equally accepted into the straight community and LGBTQ+ community as flagrant as Prince. No safe haven for me to conceal behind or vicariously live through. Either way, people loved him for his mystery while in the same breath try to breakdown what they couldn’t understand in me and people alike, even my mother.

My dad thought he dressed a little too feminine for his taste, my mother loved his music, Daily News front cover is of him with his legs crossed in his legendary heeled boots calling him “Sexy” While I struggle to put on leg warmers in hopes that I won’t get menacing looks and sarcastic questions at the age of 23. Do you see where I’m going with this? What partitioned him from me, what made his being acceptable and praised and not the tone of my voice, or the fit of my clothes, my proper dialect,  the glide in my step, my interest in things feminine? Something as simple as going out with leg warmers on a brutally cold New York winter day was an audacious task. the alarming feeling of fear heating my chest, sitting in the back of my throat as I timidly decide if I should place my jeans over them or not. Would I get looks and sly comments? What would my coworkers think? Would my mom question my gender for the hundredth time as she did when I accidentally left foundation in the bathroom? Is it going to bring unwarranted attention? I went ahead and placed them over my knee after drilling to myself, “Don’t matter who says what to you, you bought it, you like it, it’s cold, wear it.” Then someone later asks, “What is that on your legs,” when clearly it is obvious. “Don’t girls wear that for dance?”  Although my sarcastic responses were so keenly sharp with shade, deep down I felt like I called it upon myself.

prince-08  In trying to decipher it all between him and I and others alike, I came up with the idea that Prince gave the straight community something to look past his gender fluidity: His music. As long as you give them something to look past you will be okay. Got to have that something else that will be big enough to water down their ignorance. You can’t just be a regular feminine black male. You need a superior talent. One can express freely as long as you can slay a weave, design their home, shady humor, make them best dressed at the Grammy’s, and write the best gossip column. Or in another case, sleep solely with women. That way the determining factor, who one lays down in bed with, will decide the likeliness of positive receptivity. A women can listen to Prince and wish to sleep with him, while a male can do the same and assume his lyrics are about females and feel comfortable singing them. There shouldn’t be a pass for Prince in heels and a guitar while men like E.J. Johnson; Magic Johnson son, is chastised. Along with  Miss Lawrence and Derek J being slandered because of  who they sleep with is the determining factor of acceptance.

This isn’t about Prince. This is me trying to understand my self identity through him and question why society accepted him and cannot accept  me and others alike. No, I’m not crying out to wear heels. However, like Prince, he was an unapologetic spirit. I need to be that. Part of me is still healing from the past wounds as it still plays a part in how fully self express today. Part of me needs approval. I am working on that, I know I don’t need it. I don’t need Kid Cudi and Will Smith to make it okay for me to wear a crop top or Jaden Smith to pick a shirt from the girls section. I don’t need a rapper to be dressed in all pink for me to wear pink. I don’t need a straight male or women to vogue in order for me feel comfortable voguing in public. I don’t need Tank making a video about his salad being tossed for me to toss mine with organic toppings. I don’t need an presumably straight male to approve my fluid expression, my feminine side of a young black man. It’s the unwavering confidence in my self expression I am perfecting. Thanks Prince!

 

My Opinion on Jurassic World: Let’s Cut The BullS**T

My Opinion on Jurassic World: Let’s Cut The BullS**T

So, I went to go see Jurassic World yesterday at 42nd street.  It was one of the last movies playing that Sunday night and I was very excited to be whirled into Jurassic nostalgia. My best friend provided free tickets, kudos to her.

giphy (2)

Now, I really want to get into the movie itself. No, I wont be spoiling. So basically, in summary, Jurassic World is like the new Jurassic Park. Same place, different name. Big bad dino gets loosed, eats a few things, dies, FIN! Literally, that was the entire movie. Don’t get me wrong, the special effects was one point (I guess).

200 (2)


Here’s what I dislike in the movie. I was able to know what each of the main characters represents with in their first two lines.  I knew once the younger brother spoke he will be providing some profound “save the day” intellect, their aunt who runs the entire Jurassic world was probably going to be the antagonist, The hero was show cased immediately, just by how the scene went I knew!

giphy1

The story-line became very cliche. I don’t like the fact that these movies are so sexist! There always have to be this alpha male who has this grungy, dirty look with a beard. Of course they have to slap a love interest in there, in which they did at the very end, so fast. Why is that every action movie must have a love interest bounded by the shared tragedy. With the traumatizing events that goes on in the world, you rarely ever here people falling madly in love in the rate these movies make it out to be. The same formula is seen in so many movies it makes you not even want to watch them anymore.

Bad Teacher

There was no real antagonist throughout the movie other than the focus being on that one big bad dino. As soon as the antagonist was revealed he died instantly.

giphy (3)

Why a girl can’t be the badass? Why must the hero always look good in dirty clothes? It appears the target audience was middle Americans.

200 (1)

I can say this…The token black guy survived the entire movie! I was waiting for him to die to even add more to the cliche. I assume with Hollywood the more the cliche the more money granted for the budget. (You do know race plays apart in budgets). Also, they made a lot of Jurassic Park references which was dope to me.

200

In the end, I would say its a movie you stay home to watch. If you have kids, they would love it!

#Infinity Shades Of Mariah Carey

Mariah Carey

The five octave paramount diva with 18 #1’s from ”Vision of Love” to “Touch My Body”. The voice that conducted your soul into a catalepsy spell like the musician magician she is…MARIAH CAREY!

Name hold weight like kilos, Boy you acting so corny like fritos, wouldn’t have none of that without me though, it’s none of my business it’s tea though

Already Trending on twitter, Mariah Carey dropped her newest Single “Infinity” 12:01 April 27 on Itunes, Youtube, Spotify, Amazon, and Google. It’s not a surprise to me as facebook group of Lambs and I have been anticipating this single to be drop for weeks. Updates after updates with only taste of reviews from privilege DJ’s.

If life was a game you’re a free throw

Critics are saying this is the 90’s throwback they have been waiting for from Mariah as her last two previous albums, end of marriage, and flawed performances have continuously fueled doubts that Mariah Carey is finished!  See, what happens is, once many starts doubts the best selling female artist in 20 years, she seize the girls again and again and again with her breathy vocals, classic belts and culminating songwriting! Especially now that she is back With L.A. Reid and Epic/Sony records, Mariah Is back home Lambs and already storming!

Close the door loose the key leave my heart on the mat for me. I was yours eternally, there’s an end to infinity.

Mariah Carey Single is the 19th song on her up and coming Hit’s album #1 to Infinity updated with all of her 18 #1 hits set to release May 18th while also jump starting her  Las Vegas tour at The Colosseum at Caesars Palace. Here she will let her voice time travel us back into the times of “Dreamlover”, “Hero”, and “We Belong Together” with  the newly single “Infinity”

Why you tryin to play like your so grown. Everything you own boy you still owe

Is it about Nick Cannon? I doubt it, but if so, this lady damn sure knows how to break-up the right way! Watch the Lyric video below and listen to her story of made up dreams ending unfold.

Gratitude

 

Lets practice some gratification this morning to start you on the right foot mentally!

There’s power is gratification as it bring more of what you like to the table. Send positive vibrations in the morning as soon as you get up and start taking control of the outcome of your life.  We are the result of every equation. We are the start of every momentum.  What are you grateful for this morning?

I am grateful for the coming for Spring, longer days, generous people, hot water, my beautiful view, able-body, and more

Grateful

Dontae (noun): ….

Dontae(noun): [Blank]
When someone tries to ask me who am I, I try my hardest to be as brief as possible. Honestly, I would want to say nothing at all. Why? Because, saying nothing at all when asked that question is the ultimate freedom for me, but an extreme puzzle for another. I used to feel so guilty for myself and really be in this state of trance trying to describe myself. I felt as if i didn’t know myself. During the era of Myspace the “about me” section was so difficult! Any about me section for that matter.

Why do you have to give definition to your self’s instead of just being? Being in the moment and excepting who is front of you as they are. Do you know what I think happens as soon as someone gives definition to themselves? they start to label themselves. First impression is the lasting impression, and if you start labeling yourself other people will hold those labels as fact; as you are nothing more nothing less that what you announced you are. Let’s face it who really know who they are? With me I am constantly changing and adapting to situations. Therefore, there are things I have never experienced before and from that I don’t know how I will react or handle a situation at hand. What I say I am now I may not be tomorrow.

You have the right to remain silent what you say can and will be held against you in the human law. For instance, the picture posted here with this hands just saying “Just Me” is correct, but if you look deeper into it what is written in detail do you think that’s all she is? All the words around “just me” are just small compartments which we do to our self’s. Had it only say “just me” in plain letters it will automatically lead you to ask “And that is…?” No definition forces one person to accept what they see right now in the moment.Image

Recently, I spoke to an extremely close person to me who inspired me to write this post. I believed he defined himself to much into his career. Which is lovely, great, having the tunnel vision mindset is great when achieving your goals, but where is the depth of yourself. If you eat sleep breathe one thing can you relate to other people. What if that one thing was taking away from you? you are left out of your comfort zone to be stranded? To me, talking about the same thing over and over and doing the same thing over and over eventually tires me out. I need variety in things I involved myself in.

Also, I hate when people assume cause I do one thing or hobbies they have to immediately act or talk away to relate to me. No! I am more than what I say and do.
I am Indefinite like the universe we live in. I tried explaining this to him hoping to see maybe that’s were the slump came from. Humans need variety! The world is not Black and white so why should how we define our self’s be ? Just be and Do!

Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth”  – A. Watts

Reasons Why New Yorkers Are Mean

 People always complain how New Yorkers are mean people. And quite frankly, I agree, totally. I have been living in NYC for 22 years, 2 months and 25 days and counting. I have probably experience the people of New York and not just the fairyland of my neighborhood for about 7 years.

I live in the boogie down Bronx, notorious for it’s creation of Hip-Hop and Yankee Stadium. The real borough of NYC which in includes Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Manhattan and Staten Island. Lastly , there’s Harlem ( which is technically not an official borough but you probably would’ve thought due it popularity, it outshines Staten island tenfold.)

Staten Island is the island the hit TV show “Lost” filmed at. Not true, but if you seen that show you catch my drift.

As a New York City born and raised native here are my reason why NYC are mean:tumblr_nb3e8mDqkE1trhlq2o1_1280

1. Too many beggars.  From advertisements to street beggars NYC is just full of things trying to suck your wallet dry. advertisements run rampant as soon as you hit the 42nd street or probably a little before like 59th street. Billboards sit as high as the Empire State Building for God know what reason.  You can be at a roof top party feeling so fancy and grandeur to be surrounded by clothing signs like H&M or Banks signs. It’s madness. Next, you have these annoying charities begging you to donate money by giving up your credit card. You have no choice but to be angry when you being stopped constantly by someone begging you to donate every two minutes. Its like “LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE” on top of the store advertisements subliminally begging you to come in a buy,  following a homeless person asking you to drop a coin.  It can be overwhelming, but it collects slowly like cholesterol. Trust me.

Lastly you have the train beggars, these include the homeless and the fruit snackers. Now, when an homeless person ask for money sometimes you can give, but mostly in the minds of most natives are whether or not their donation is going to used appropriately. Most hate to give a dollar and it goes immediately to drugs. It can be very depressing when a person who legs is missing, arm, or face after acid damage ask for money. This would usually be followed by a teen giving some “I am here trying to stay off the streets” speech selling fruit snacks. Every one of these guys have the same monologue. On top of that you can have a train performer slipping and sliding on the poles…it’s just too much asking for money in one  day!

2.Everybody trying to survive. The middle classmen are the ones who really has the end of the stick. Why? because you have tumblr_nb3vbiLEwf1trhlq2o1_1280two classes Lower and Upper depending on you to be the glue in every financial standpoint. The Lower classmen relies on the middle class taxes to support them as for the Upper classmen depends on you to be a functional taxing paying, money spending, individual to make the economy continue. They way New York City programs are setup, it’s not for the people who are working for nothing. It’s for the people who are doing nothing, sometimes doing nothing by choice.

For an example, certain programs are prejudice by area codes, area codes that are divided by income brackets. So if you live in my area code, its said to believe you are making enough money to sustain yourself so you can be denied from majority of the city benefits. Lets forget the raising food prices, rent, gas, clothes and more… Everybody is trying to survive the harshness of New York city that creates shallow people, company, and friends. Why? because many people in New York are too busy trying to make it in someone so they wont do many things unless its in benefit of them. Nothings free.

3. MTA Stands for Money Taking Association. I hate this transit it has to be the worst transit in the history of railways. Harriet Tubman has designed a better and faster shit than this. TRUST ME. MTA want to throw these “improving new York” signs that explains where the money is going …I don’t give a fuck about some damn sprinkler system!

Is that going to keep me cool underground when its a heat wave and their trains to busy break rails delaying shit…?

I don’t give two rat shits about that fancy touch screen map quest wanna be when yall already have train times when rails are breaking, when y’all move to damn slow!

What they needs to do is find a way to get to Brooklyn in 45 mins. They needs to redesign this whole set up thing called transit! I’ve been stuck underground for 15-20 minutes trying to leave the Bronx over train delays!  Imagine this randomly getting you late to work several times a week.  It should take one person 2 hours to get into Manhattan, that’s almost reach Albany, NY by car! that’s is far!

In summary an Average persons day can look like this….

-Wakes up at 6:30 am. Drink coffee. Skips breakfast. Jumps in 15 minute shower. gets dress leaves half awake.
-Waits for 7:30 bus with other commoners. Aboard packed bus because its rush hour. No seat available.
-Aboard train running express to the city. packed train, no seat. Fruit snacks man squeezes on train asking to buy. He leaves following a homeless man who smells really bad asking for quarters. Train stops between 86th street and 59th due to train delays. five minutes passed still stuck. It’s now 8:45am you have to a work at 9am you have 3 stops left.

-Work starts. you sit behind a cubicle. Lunch time you walk to mc Donald’s for lunch. Charity stops you to donate to Africa, you say no.  Tourist stops you to ask for directions but you cant understand them. Mc Donald’s now has a long line with everything 4 dollars overpriced than any other borough.

-work ends you aboard the train. More fruit snack men. More train performers. more delays. You get home check mail and out pours bills and more bills. Check voicemail at home with more bills collectors.

you cook. you eat. you watch prime time TV. Then you sleep and repeat.

This is like a rough sketch, it can be a lot of stressful living in NYC that causes the meanness in people.

So be patient.