Mental Trauma

They argued with such vitriol that they didn’t notice the children standing between them, until the unforeseen happened.

When I think back that’s all I remember. Being a little boy deathly afraid of my father because that’s what he wanted. He spoke loudly on a daily bases to remind my brother and I we were inferior to his being. His size that stood 6’0  high and over 200 pounds, mostly muscle from his high school years of being a star football player.

His eyes were blank when him and my mother viciously argued. My mothers voice powerful for a black woman was unmatched to my fathers. Friday nights were not the glory days  adults and kids awaited for. While Fridays marked the day of freedom for others, Fridays marked the day of trauma and distraught, as it foreshadowed the hell stricken weekend. Paranoia was my best friend that manifested into a deep soulful hate that lived inside of me.

I had thoughts of killing my father for the drunk nights he would come on the weekends. I would stand only a little over 5 feet staring at him with my lips curled in, eyes pinched together, and little fist balled thinking of that steak knife. The enemy would lay passed out on the couch with his sliva peaking out from his lips while snoring.

He would wake me up and my brother up and speak to us from 11 at night till 3 in the morning about nothing. He forced us to stay up while he condemned us for being kids. He would tell us we don’t need any friends and we don’t need family. No one will care for us as his family never cared for him.

My brother and I both less then age of ten and three years apart never knew what a quiet home was between my mom and dad. Deplorable slurs of words clashed between the two giants  violently every weekend for all of my childhood.

 Nights of him sending us in our room crying behind a door while our ears were pressed against it was normal. Unbreakable nervousness rode the thick red water in our veins when he would threaten to break my mothers ankles. Tears of silent prayers ran on our cheeks.

I can’t seem to forget a history that was part of me as I remained isolated disabling the need to express my grief in what I went through at home. As it was “no ones business,” as my father would say, “what happens at home”.

So I developed the ability to compartmentalize the terror for weekends only. This was my only coping strategy although I was unaware at the time. I gained victory in my dreams as a kid when I would beat my father off my mother. Or when I do grave harm on to him falsely giving me courage I never had growing up.

For being so afraid to die in his arms.

Daily Prompt – For Posterity

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UPDATE: Birthday, Hamptons, Instagram, School & More.

UPDATE: Birthday, Hamptons, Instagram, School & More.

Alright! my peoples, who are you all guys are going?  I am doing well over here, thanks for asking. And if you didn’t ask, well…thank you anyways.  So in my last post, I spoke about a few of my May favorites. Which as of now they still are but I can’t wait to express some of my June favorites at the end of the month. However, since then, approximately 14 days past and I can say I pretty pleased with how things are going on.

Birthday/Hamptons

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In front of the Cohens Estate

First, I am now 23. My birthday was on June 6 and guys, I had the best birthday ever! I haven’t enjoyed my birthday since my single digit days running up and down the Discovery Zone, which I believe is now out of business. The Discovery Zone was like the better version of Chuckie Cheese and McDonalds Playhouse. What made it so fun was because I celebrated my 23rd birthday in the Hampton. Yes! I am like so jumping for joy!

Breathe, okay, let me simmer.

pool

My phone actually took this, my edit skills perfected this!

………….

poodle

part of the “Stuff” were these “poodle” bracelets. A term my friend made up as we felt very pure and boogie the whole day. “Just something to walk your poodle in”

Alright, yeah, I’m ready. So, everything fell into place being that the event in the Hampton happened to be on the same day as my birthday. Perfect!. I went with a good friend of mine and an art teacher/friend. The event was a charity type donation place where people basically auctioned money to fund this school. The estate was gratifying! I never seen a house as big as this up close in personal. They had a tennis court in their front yard with 12-13 foot bushes and a beach in their backyard. Not to forget the pool along with an array of pretty flowers. The food was elegantly made, I was around expensive people. It was such a tasteful, inspiring, learning experience. I’m glad I looked the part! I left there feeling so blessed. I also left full with a few sandwiches in my bag along with other dainty Hampton stuff. I am never ever, ever, ever, going to forget such an experience. I want plenty of more of those. Actually, I want a mentor to guide me to those expenses. I want to taste the crisp air again. Until then, I will read the Hampton’s magazine and practice Law of Attraction. Ha!

Instagram lifestyle

me

@Sardoniclaugh

Aesthetics dahling! Aesthetics, aesthetics, aesthetics! Its all about the aesthetics of Instagram. Yeah, well many people may think it’s taken too seriously, but on the one hand, it does make you pay attention to whats around you more. Lately, I have been taking my Instagram feed and trying to make it more  “aesthetically pleasing” Which  is this new trendy thing going on. Basically, the goal is to have every picture compliment each other with the same borders, filters, colors, etc. Thus, you create a theme. I’ve seen some awe creative feeds that makes me scream YES! and I seen some that just makes me unfollow!  In a future post I will explain how I edit my photos, but in the mean time I need to learn how to perfect it now that I got the right tools. I think I may need an Iphone 6 or invest in a professional camera. I like quality things and social media outlets are another extension of yourself, I believe. With that, I think its very cool to have your mini representations look nice. Eventually, it will look like some brand when everything flow and is cohesive. This why I wanted to change my blog name to SardonicLaughs, though I’m realizing I may loose all my content in the process. That’s so dumb! Whether you like it or not you are being judged and look at like some brand. When need be to market myself, I want my outlets to represent me uniquely and entirely. When I tried to do a whole new IG it got deleted in the same day, like really…I was so pissed! Whatever now I will just learn the tricks and the trades. Follow me though @sardoniclaugh, please!

College

Now we all know my struggle with college has been essence of drama ever since the death of romeo. Good news burst through my email about a week ago ( starts doing the shamoney). BMCC accepted me, Yes! thank the law of attraction yet again as it always a method of prevail. I swear! I was like jumping for joy, like literally in my house on my bed spazzing out! Like honestly I was so stoked. I can now finish with in the next two years maybe even faster! I can give my parents a graduation, feel complete, then move on with my life! Surprisingly, I am hype to return back to this place. Reason be it cause I will be taking courses I hand picked, perfecting my writing skills with my new writing & literature major as well as taking up Italian. My path is finally clear! all I have to do now is drive straight to the finish line after 7 years…

Hobbies

I’ve been enjoying myself a little more lately, meaning I have been focusing a lil’ more on myself more than I have ever before. I took a risk like three weeks ago and that was to just randomly ask these people to jump double dutch at union square park. This was unnerving because I can be extremely shy to the point I will miss out on opportunities because of it. Double dutch has been very close to for as far back as the age of 5. However, due to society my parents banned me from jumping it because it was girly, and perpetuates more teasing and so forth. In return, I would sneakily jump double dutch when my parents weren’t around. It was thrilling to be rebelling the way that I was, but also scary when I got caught.  Now, I am able to fill the deep desire to do Double-Dutch-Entertainers-e1361180285187jump and do what I like without a care in the world. It’s amazing that I took the chance to ask and now I’m meeting new people. I am doing what I like to do by myself. I am proud of myself honestly, It just fine tunes another facet of me.  I am glad that I am exploring myself into these areas from voguing to double dutch, writing and more. I am doing what pleases and interest me and its rewarding.  I’m much more happier than I have been in months, Ideally because schools is out and summer is here, laugh out loud. Oh, yeah and I started dancing again and performing this weekend in Harlem, NY. So excited to be on stage again in a custom being me!

Expert level much!

Well, I think that is all for now. I’m thinking about posting on a scheduled basis like twice a week at a certain time that way its best for consistency, organization, and expectations for readers. I’m still on the fence about my blog name, blah! Until next time, CIAO!

Snapchat: Sardoniclaughs
Instagram: Sardoniclaugh
Tumblr: MesardonicMesarcastic
Twitter: @fantasyFatality

Daily Prompt: In the Summertime

A Rose In A Hard Place: Chapter 3

A Rose In A Hard Place: Chapter 3

June pressed forty in the elevator. The door closed revealing an image of us in the reflection. My fur coat really complimented my brown skin so well as if the fur grew from me.  I thank June for the dinner he treated me too. He insisted we go so we didn’t have to waste our matching attire. I don’t know why, but I just wanted to run to his home and let go and let God.  I am grateful though that he treated me to Thai cuisine.  My heart is still racing from the time I left my home to meet him to now. In this elevator, which seem such a long ride, I wanted to pull the stop cord and peel his clothes off. My lust needed to be quenched in an exotic place. I kept staring at him through the reflection. He caught my eyes and chuckled.

I walked into his condo that vacuumed me into another realm. I always looked around his apartment with astonishment. I dropped my suitcase over by the door to explore. This isn’t the first time I’ve been here, but each and every time I felt like a kid in Disney Land. The apartment is enormous with two floors connect with a cream carpeted spiral staircase. I made my way to the left first like always to examine the five foot fish tank puzzled in the wall.  The floor-to-ceiling windows embraced the New York City skyline and Hudson River. My mouth dropped at the amazing night view knowing the morning  touch from the sun will awaken me from my sleep. ” You know what my mother told me when I was kid?” I said to June still looking out. “We were driving around the city one day and she just randomly said, ‘You notice how white people never have any curtains,’ and ever since I always seen it to be true,” I laughed. June gently touched my shoulders from behind slowly grazing his hands on my fur until he reached my waist. He pulled me close to him. “Sweetheart, wealthy people don’t have curtains,” he whispered, then preceded to take off my coat.

A warm rush of emotions flooded my body when he took kissed my neck. I remained immobilized by the view and his kiss. He took my hand and we started to head up stairs, I told him to wait so I can take off my shoes and not ruin the carpet floor. From his phone, June set the tone of the night by putting on the 90’s R&B station on Pandora which filled the entire house with music. We both had a deep love for old school music.  We forward upstairs when I saw little candle lights that bordered they walls around the entire second floor of the condo. I paused at the romance constructed for me. He laughed gesturing me to continue to follow him. The white candles against the soft beige carpet trailed into red candles that lead to the bathroom and the master bedroom.

“This is beyond far so sweet of you. You are doing so much for me right now!” I couldn’t take the smile off my face.
“You keep talking you are going to blow of the candles,” June chuckled put his hand on my lips. He pulled my soul into the dim lit bathroom and immediately started to get undressed.  White and red rose petals were scattered across the floor accompanied by more white candles. The bathroom room was smelled of fresh linen. I took a deep breath still stumbling over the fantasy that turned true. I couldn’t comprehend the reason behind all of this. I wanted to abruptly stop him in his tracks and ask why? Why me? However, that will ruin the moment so I kept my pretty lips shut. Being so paralyzed in excitement, I forgot to take my clothes off with him. “Are you not going to take off your clothes? You do this every time you come here” June asked unbuckling his belt. The perfectly sculpted body brown body funneled into the deep v line that marked the sides of his waist. The puts collapsed taking the boxers with it showing the thickness of his core.

I swallowed my shyness, “Why don’t you take off my clothes for me?” I asked. His smile of pearls  came towards me leading me up against the door. He closed the door while grazing my lips with his. His finger tips took hold of my shirt that lifted over my head. Both of his arms were placed above me against the wall as we continued to lock tongues. I melted feeling the sleek soft yet heard blend of his chest and abs.  He stood naked in front of me pushing me harder against the wall. Everything about his existence tantalized my senses.  His athletic build, his strong hands, his defined legs, his full lips, his glossy wide eyes all perfectly placed in my favor. Again, he interlaced his hands with mine and pulled me towards the Jacuzzi. His bare body went in first still kissing me from my lips to my neck. “Wait a minute,” I said realizing I still had on my jeans. He completely ignored me and started to pull into closer into the water. “Wait, June, Wait! I still have on my jeans.”

“You want me to be mean,” He said still being very busy on my neck. His passion kisses had me too giddy to repeat myself. Sitting in the water knee deep, he took his arms and being to lift me. “Wait!” I screamed. I tried pulling him off me, but I continue to succumb into his paradise. “Get over here!” He said lifting all of me into the water. A huge splash of water tip over the brim of the tub into the rose pedals, “JUNE! WHAT THE FUCK!”

June blurted into a rainfall of laughter, this asshole intentionally wanted to pull me into the water half dressed. I got up out of the warm water completely drenched in attitude. I scolded him for the stupidity and the difficult it is to now have to remove wet pants. It felt disgusting closed on my skin. June continued to laugh and laugh and laugh hysterically. I started to chuckle with him still upset at what he did. “It’s not funny, you asshole!” I blurted.  I took off my pants slowly showing off the side of my hips. “Yeah, now that’s taking off your clothes sexy!” June said pumping his fist into the air. I shot a stern look at him and flicked him the middle finger, “Fuck you!”

“I will be doing that in the bed shorty, don’t worry,” he said. I rolled my eyes when I really wanted to bat my lashes, but that will show he won so quickly when he didn’t…well he did, but I’m not going to show him.

Reasons Why New Yorkers Are Mean

 People always complain how New Yorkers are mean people. And quite frankly, I agree, totally. I have been living in NYC for 22 years, 2 months and 25 days and counting. I have probably experience the people of New York and not just the fairyland of my neighborhood for about 7 years.

I live in the boogie down Bronx, notorious for it’s creation of Hip-Hop and Yankee Stadium. The real borough of NYC which in includes Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Manhattan and Staten Island. Lastly , there’s Harlem ( which is technically not an official borough but you probably would’ve thought due it popularity, it outshines Staten island tenfold.)

Staten Island is the island the hit TV show “Lost” filmed at. Not true, but if you seen that show you catch my drift.

As a New York City born and raised native here are my reason why NYC are mean:tumblr_nb3e8mDqkE1trhlq2o1_1280

1. Too many beggars.  From advertisements to street beggars NYC is just full of things trying to suck your wallet dry. advertisements run rampant as soon as you hit the 42nd street or probably a little before like 59th street. Billboards sit as high as the Empire State Building for God know what reason.  You can be at a roof top party feeling so fancy and grandeur to be surrounded by clothing signs like H&M or Banks signs. It’s madness. Next, you have these annoying charities begging you to donate money by giving up your credit card. You have no choice but to be angry when you being stopped constantly by someone begging you to donate every two minutes. Its like “LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE” on top of the store advertisements subliminally begging you to come in a buy,  following a homeless person asking you to drop a coin.  It can be overwhelming, but it collects slowly like cholesterol. Trust me.

Lastly you have the train beggars, these include the homeless and the fruit snackers. Now, when an homeless person ask for money sometimes you can give, but mostly in the minds of most natives are whether or not their donation is going to used appropriately. Most hate to give a dollar and it goes immediately to drugs. It can be very depressing when a person who legs is missing, arm, or face after acid damage ask for money. This would usually be followed by a teen giving some “I am here trying to stay off the streets” speech selling fruit snacks. Every one of these guys have the same monologue. On top of that you can have a train performer slipping and sliding on the poles…it’s just too much asking for money in one  day!

2.Everybody trying to survive. The middle classmen are the ones who really has the end of the stick. Why? because you have tumblr_nb3vbiLEwf1trhlq2o1_1280two classes Lower and Upper depending on you to be the glue in every financial standpoint. The Lower classmen relies on the middle class taxes to support them as for the Upper classmen depends on you to be a functional taxing paying, money spending, individual to make the economy continue. They way New York City programs are setup, it’s not for the people who are working for nothing. It’s for the people who are doing nothing, sometimes doing nothing by choice.

For an example, certain programs are prejudice by area codes, area codes that are divided by income brackets. So if you live in my area code, its said to believe you are making enough money to sustain yourself so you can be denied from majority of the city benefits. Lets forget the raising food prices, rent, gas, clothes and more… Everybody is trying to survive the harshness of New York city that creates shallow people, company, and friends. Why? because many people in New York are too busy trying to make it in someone so they wont do many things unless its in benefit of them. Nothings free.

3. MTA Stands for Money Taking Association. I hate this transit it has to be the worst transit in the history of railways. Harriet Tubman has designed a better and faster shit than this. TRUST ME. MTA want to throw these “improving new York” signs that explains where the money is going …I don’t give a fuck about some damn sprinkler system!

Is that going to keep me cool underground when its a heat wave and their trains to busy break rails delaying shit…?

I don’t give two rat shits about that fancy touch screen map quest wanna be when yall already have train times when rails are breaking, when y’all move to damn slow!

What they needs to do is find a way to get to Brooklyn in 45 mins. They needs to redesign this whole set up thing called transit! I’ve been stuck underground for 15-20 minutes trying to leave the Bronx over train delays!  Imagine this randomly getting you late to work several times a week.  It should take one person 2 hours to get into Manhattan, that’s almost reach Albany, NY by car! that’s is far!

In summary an Average persons day can look like this….

-Wakes up at 6:30 am. Drink coffee. Skips breakfast. Jumps in 15 minute shower. gets dress leaves half awake.
-Waits for 7:30 bus with other commoners. Aboard packed bus because its rush hour. No seat available.
-Aboard train running express to the city. packed train, no seat. Fruit snacks man squeezes on train asking to buy. He leaves following a homeless man who smells really bad asking for quarters. Train stops between 86th street and 59th due to train delays. five minutes passed still stuck. It’s now 8:45am you have to a work at 9am you have 3 stops left.

-Work starts. you sit behind a cubicle. Lunch time you walk to mc Donald’s for lunch. Charity stops you to donate to Africa, you say no.  Tourist stops you to ask for directions but you cant understand them. Mc Donald’s now has a long line with everything 4 dollars overpriced than any other borough.

-work ends you aboard the train. More fruit snack men. More train performers. more delays. You get home check mail and out pours bills and more bills. Check voicemail at home with more bills collectors.

you cook. you eat. you watch prime time TV. Then you sleep and repeat.

This is like a rough sketch, it can be a lot of stressful living in NYC that causes the meanness in people.

So be patient.

7 Ways To Become A Great Teacher

Whether you are in grade school or college at some point in time you came across bad teachers in you life. For instance, when you 7th grade teacher the assign packets and packets of homework on winter vacation. Like, what the hell! Why assign homework on  vacation? That’s not a vacation that is education institution slavery. These teachers must like reading the same 100 papers. Fuckers!

Luckily, not all teacher forces you to write one word 100 times for homework/punishment. And not all teachers are in school, in fact, the best teachers are the ones that forced you to become wise in some way or another. Boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, family, homeless people, the list goes on. It is all in part of the biggest teacher of them all…LIFE!

But for educational purposes, I’ll just speak on grade school teachers.

7 Ways On How To Become A Great Teacher

  1. Be Absent Often.
    This is probably one the best ways to win your students heart and to forever be known as one the best teachers ever in their lives. BE ABSENT no one wants to deal with you, especially if you are going to be a monotone  homework giving monster. Save your self for bed everyday, or at least once a week between Monday-FridayBad Teacher
  2. Let Your Students Speak To Each Other.
    How bad do you want to win the hearts of your students? How important is it for you be talked about for generations through oral tradition? Let your students talk to each other! let your students socialize and build interpersonal skills needed for the workforce. Don’t Interrupt  when they’re talking. And do not expect  students stop you when you are sitting at your desk pouting              giphy1 
  3. Don’t You Dare Ask Anyone To Do Any Math Equation On The Board.
    You will be marked down as the teacher from hell if you dare to ever stop a student if you disregard #3 interrupt a conversation to say, ” Malcolm, care to solve this equation on the board?” If you do, we have the right to say no!  If your force students and try to embarrass them out of spite you will tarnish your reputation on lunch break. Trust me you don’t want to the talk of the town during congregation hour.
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  4. Frequent Treats.
    This is probably the most important way to become the best teacher. Make our time meaningful and fruitful if you going to speaking about mundane info. You have to appeal to your  students, so why not appeal to their sense? Come to class with free donuts, give out free candy, come with free pizza. Make my nose go up and eyes wide from the smell of treats. It’s a great way to keep your students in check and attentive. Why? well it’s almost like a deal, if you give to us we will give to you. You want good grades, well we want FOOD!
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  5. Talk To Us About Current Things In Pop Culture.
    Be current. Be new. Be hip. If you smoke a little weed, pop a molly Fridays, have sex, part of Bey-Hive share that with your students! We want to connect with you some how some way. Humans are yearning for some connection with each other some how some way. As a student, we want to know can you sit with us at the lunch table. If you can’t relate to or youthful nature then you mind as well educate senior citizen on World War 2. Incorporate today things in your teachings if you want to be a great teacher!
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  6. NO Homework.
    This is very simple easy to follow. Easy said and done! Students got lives outside of your class. Do not be egotistical, selfish teacher and assign homework on any given reason. If you follow #1 do not give out homework to compensate. You will be dismissed! So be nice, be sweet, respect our time with no homework! Save your students from depression.
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  7. Keep Parents Out Of Students Business.
    It’s none of the parents business about anything. You heard of the saying snitches gets stitches? If you care about your job have some dignity and self-respect. Don’t go running to Billy Bobs mom because he put you in your place or corrected your outdated teaching skills. We know how information best will resonate with us, so believe a student when he/she says, “Your shit is whack!” Who cares is Mary-Jane skipped school to play video games. What happen in the school stays in school. Telling parents is consider home wrecking and you don’t to fuck someone home shit up because you want can’t mind your business.

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Prompt – We Can Be Taught