Dear Someone

Dear Someone

Dear Someone,

I’m not sure why, but I am compelled to write a letter to you who ever you are. In this moment, I wish to lay in upon

Melanin

Melanin

the bosom of grace while the arms of love wraps its motherly hands around my head. I want to unconditionally express my blackness in the way I have never mentioned before. May I, stranger?

I am well aware of the strikes against me. I am aware of my history and its struggles with white supremacy, I am also aware of my Kings and Queen lineage prior. I am well aware my people aren’t and never was perfect in the ideals of fictitious human standards. I do believe if racism were to dwindle into timeless space, there will probably be crime among our people. As our self infliction is not entirely off the backs of whites pride and systematic oppression however it stems from our lack of connection to all that is and nature that surrounds us. That is a human problem, not just blacks.

Events after events, turmoil after turmoil, my people are just being relentlessly slaughtered. I tried feeling as if I am not a twenty three year young black man in 1960′s. I try to convince myself logically that we have came far. That I can cross country with no fear, go hiking in no fear, be educated without fear. While I try to obscure reality with positivism once, twice, maybe weekly, I am constantly cut by some news about the injustice my people suffer.

At first, I tried to cope by creating some distance between me and my people. I believed because I am not fully embedded in my Hip-hop culture I have a safe pass. That because I can act in the likeness of white appropriation easily I am safe from brutality. I don’t listen to rap music solely, I don’t sag my pants, not in a gang. I can speak proper and conduct myself respectfully. I listen to all types of music, can hold conversation about anything, New York City is not as racially oppressive. I thought these aspects would coat me like gravy. I felt this way after every brutality aired on the news  to block the fact that I am the “Villain,” the “thug,” that I am next…

……………..

It wasn’t until Sandra Bland. It wasn’t until I sat and watch a black women be killed before my eyes. It wasn’t until I understood how deep this issue goes. How inhumane these people are. Are they even humans? The editing of the dash cam, the mysterious death, the lies behind the mugshot. My people, My Sandra Bland did not come from a linage that raped the lands of the earth, that ethnic cleansed cultures, drop atomic bombs, serial kill innocent lives trying to reclaim their glory that was savagely taken from them 300 years ago. We did not destroy others history and brainwash them into ours. We did not ruthlessly kill for the fun of it promoting Christianity.  However, Sandra and the rest of my fallen people were treated as if we were the hands behind this.

To the someone that is reading this, I ask you why? Why are they doing this to my people, why are they doing this to me.  We historically did nothing, if in fact we gave white people everything. We gave them math, science, art, architecture, fashion , music. We gave them a foundation, civilization. I question as to why are whites so insecure within themselves that is so deeply ingrained within them they feel the need to pounce about the world and history books trying to fill a void.

Do they feel like they are weak? Were they jealous of other cultures advancements? Did they feel less then when they came our lands and saw Pyramids that exceeded their consciousness?
Do they feel as if there were not blessed enough, for they lived in caves while the rest of the world lived in riches, so they stole our religion and use it as a weapon against us?

They did once recognize how our melanin and curly hair gifted us in the ability to adapt in any weather condition and they cannot?
There has to be an internal reason they hate my color? There’s has to be reason they have to feel the need to pride around as if they are supreme unless they feel none of that already within.
Why are they passing this hate to their children that knew not of hate entering this world?

Understanding Sandra Bland made me realize were I came from. Understanding Sandra Bland made me know resilience.
Understanding Sandra Bland made me know they will lie their way into a justice system that is designed for them.
Understanding Sandra Bland made me understand my skin. She made me love my skin. Feel proud of my skin. My history. My riches.
Understanding her also made me understand I am next.

Sincerely, My People.

Namaste.

Do Titles Do More Bad Then Good?

I’m curious are relationship titles need?
Titles ranging from boyfriends to situationships.
There seems to be a need to have some sort of the identification, is it because of the ego?

I ask this because two years ago and even last year I struggled with the need to have a title in my relationship. I thought it was so important because that what we are taught; You date, then make it official simultaneously getting that title. The struggle came in when I felt like I needed the title to feel complete. The actions of a full relationship was there on both ends, however, during hardships and turmoil and little voice in the back of my head come forth. This voice constantly antagonize me for being in what they called an unofficial relationship.

untitled

I would ask a friend or two about this issue and mostly get responses like, “Nah, after 4 months this means he don’t want you. You are being used. Give him an ultimatum.” I will feel even more insecure. Even though this was far from the truth, a negative mindset will fool you into thinking otherwise. Also, I had this need of wanting more and more to feel complete once again; feeding the ego more and more.  I had the substance, I had enough substance to make others jealous of my relationship. So was the title really necessary. This is not a job.

Somehow, I thought the title was going to complete all that is missing. Why? cause titles comes with expectations. Boyfriends are obligated to do X,Y,Z. Friends are expected to do all of this, and all of that, girlfriends got to act a certain way. This made me question…
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what’s the difference between the honeymoon stage in a relationship to the Post-Honeymoon stage? Looking deep into the actions of a couple and from my experience, there is a level of ease and freedom. During the honeymoon stage you wouldn’t feel obligated to do anything because more than likely there is no title, so your actions become natural, free, and willingly. There is not hard concern about your partners location, and social life then, so why does it have to change later on.
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During the honeymoon stage, the seriousness is way down. couples are to concern with being in each others presence and discovering. For me, there less nagging, less worry and concern although I cared equally. For an example, I realized I was got to conscious on my partners locations all the time. I felt the need to know all the time every minute, if he moved from where I thought he would be and I wasn’t aware I would feel offended.  If his mom don’t have a GPS on him, why should I? During the beginning I didn’t so why start now? In my mind, I reasoned, “well if somebody would to ask me where is he, and I say I don’t know, that would make me look like I didn’t care for him.” But why be so strict and overbearing? The deeper the feelings grow the more fear of getting hurt badly there is, so we act irrational?

So I ask you guys, how do you feel about titles?
Do you feel like it adds obligations and pressure?
Do you feel the need to have it, if so why?
Do you feel its better to have the title and no substance or substance and no title?