Beneath The Benevolent Sun

It started with one phone call from an unknown area code, then over the next few days the calls became relentless. Twice a day, seven days, from two different numbers on both my cell phone and home phone. With every missed call followed a voicemail on each device. Usually, I don’t bother to listen to voicemail’s, however, I decided to be an obedient twenty-three year old and follow up. That’s when I realized it was her! She has been notoriously known for decades as dark gray clouds looming beneath the benevolent sun. As you see, what was once a shadow ingeniously creeping from behind when I nourish my face in the warm sun is now hazing every corner of my being. An inevitable event when one chooses to follow the ideal path of society. The grave rumors about her power, a power that can cast a vanishing spell on you financially, weekly or bi-weekly. If you haven’t figured her out yet, her name is Donald Trump–I mean Sallie-Mae. She found me.

I had just freshly showered when the time neared a half hour past eight. The morning sun still young yet strong with her rays illuminating my messy room when the unknown–well, now, well known area code appeared on my cell phone. I cursed the air before I answered, “Hello?” This time her voice was deep and masculine trying to ask if it was I who was on the other end on the phone. Like, don’t play stupid with me. This ill-famed monster has been tirelessly sending her minions out to harass me every chance she gets. She know’s who I am. I know who Sallie-Mae is. Let’s cut the crap!  Of course, the topic was about a payment I was unsure of, in fact, I did not even know a payment had past let alone start! The new voice asked for my way of paying, either debit or credit. I should’ve said stripping, prostituting, occasional drug dealing. Sniffing coke to cope. “Debit,” I said. I forward all of my information when it occurred to me he may possibly be charging my card immediately!

“Wait, are you charging my card right now?”
“Yes.”
“Wait a minute, damn did you even see if I can pay right now! I don’t have the money at the moment.”
“I can push the date back until the thirtieth, but you need to pay before you mess up the co-signers credit score.”

Fuck. That means my mother. I hung up the phone, sat on my bed to pace my breath before I wet the tip of my fingers. fixing my posture, trying to be a big boy, I starred into the morning sun about to hide behind the building. It was something I wanted to do a the moment. Crawl and hide. Yeah, it sounds very immature. You’re probably saying how I need to man up, deal with it, it’s life, and all the other evasive sayings. The matter is, I don’t believe in that way of living: Suffocating under loans and debit while making income that barely scratches the surface, because I want try and find myself, solidify my identity the past six years. I’m only twenty three. I’m only twenty three.

I am only two decades and three years in and already I have IRS and his wife Sallie-Mae down my throat choking my prime years and other bills…Yes, other bills. Food, grooming, clothes, hobbies, school, phone, transportation. In other words, I see how depression is very profitable to the Big Pharma. Not saying I am there….yet. On a positive note, there is always good food. That will always be there.

 

How to Manifest Your Desires With The New Moon.

How to Manifest Your Desires With The New Moon.

New beginnings are possible. Usually, In the midst of your own chaotic life the last thing you want to hear is to start right now, or trick yourself into the mindset that a new day means a new beginning. Especially, when your day is moved by the stress from the night before, or the pressure of what lies ahead in the future. Sometimes, we need to mentally prepare ourselves for a new beginning rather then switch gear in a snap of a finger. Thankfully, there are the moon cycles to help seed, cultivate, and manifest our desires. Yay!

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Joining the flow of nature, working with the natural order of things makes life easier for us and grants us with greater return. Farmers knew this, for they harvest seeds during the new moon finding out crops tend to be more richer and more lively then. “Gardening by The Moon” it’s called. It’s an age old folklore. The same process applies to us when we want to manifest our truest intentions bringing up more of our wants into fruition; Write down your desire (plant), Feel your desire as if you have it now (water), and let universe bring it to you (watch it grow). Like the Chia commercialsch-ch-chia!. Quotation-Steve-Maraboli-life-success-motivation-water-goals-inspirational-action-order-Meetville-Quotes-7196

To use the moon cycle for guidance and for you benefit here’s what you do:

1. Find the next new moon.

2. Light candles, play music, put yourself in a good mood and setting.

3. Burn incense or sage to clear the rooms energy.

4.With a pen and paper right down your desires in present tense, “I now invite into my life experience…” “I now have..” “I am…” Do not limit yourself. Don’t feel ashamed for how big or how small of your wants. The size doesn’t matter to the universe only your alignment with your goals with proper thoughts and feelings matter.

Loa5. Visualize your goals dreams and desire. Take a moment to meditate on these goals. You should be smiling and feeling good with imagining your goals. Have as much fun as you have. Remember the happier the faster.

6. Make a vision board, to further deepen your visualizations.

7. Burn the list, hide the list, detach yourself from the list. Constant dwelling on when your goals going to come further pushes them away delaying the fruition. Trust that the universe will provide for you.

8. Thank the universe for manifesting your desires and feel the gratitude, then be!

Within In Myself.

Within In Myself.

It’s really hard loving yourself wholeheartedly. As much as I want to, I wish it was so easier said then done. It’s not that easy to know wholesomely who I am when I am consistently changing. It’s rather difficult to identify yourself without the ego. Unless, there is no identity through the fall of the ego, which is the voice that keeps us attached to ideals, image, habits, people. As I read all the time, the fall of the ego brings the feeling of oneness. What I question is the process in which it happens, what do you feel in this transition?

The difficulty is trying to understand what is the ego in you to know what changes to make within. I  have some sense, some minuscule understanding of it. However, I am not sure when exactly my ego comes into play. I know when it’s off usually in times of advice giving, I can sound like the most level headed, open minded, Ghandi-loving therapist ever. But with me, I am a lot less straightforward. I barely listen to my own advice.

Maybe I need to relax. That’s why I am writing this now. Venting.

At times I feel like I love me, then at times I feel like I don’t. Okay, saying I don’t sounds so much more downgrading then in actuality. When I say I don’t, I mean I feel as if I don’t love myself in its fullest potential. We all fall short right? and that’s okay?

Where we are now, we are so obsessed with self identifying. Maybe from a mutual understanding that we all lack a true understanding of our self. You have to have some identity going on. One much define themselves through something. One must have an obsession with something, a favorite something. Becoming nothing more than walking brand, walking egos.

And the minute you want to dis-identify you feel the forces that makes you identify with something or someone.

I don’t know where I was going with this. I just feel conflicted.

I want to be me to the my fullest potential. I feel that I am not, because there are more “important” factors that needs to be worried about, making good income, getting a degree, anything and everything outside of me.

Damn you early 20s.

My Opinion on Jurassic World: Let’s Cut The BullS**T

My Opinion on Jurassic World: Let’s Cut The BullS**T

So, I went to go see Jurassic World yesterday at 42nd street.  It was one of the last movies playing that Sunday night and I was very excited to be whirled into Jurassic nostalgia. My best friend provided free tickets, kudos to her.

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Now, I really want to get into the movie itself. No, I wont be spoiling. So basically, in summary, Jurassic World is like the new Jurassic Park. Same place, different name. Big bad dino gets loosed, eats a few things, dies, FIN! Literally, that was the entire movie. Don’t get me wrong, the special effects was one point (I guess).

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Here’s what I dislike in the movie. I was able to know what each of the main characters represents with in their first two lines.  I knew once the younger brother spoke he will be providing some profound “save the day” intellect, their aunt who runs the entire Jurassic world was probably going to be the antagonist, The hero was show cased immediately, just by how the scene went I knew!

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The story-line became very cliche. I don’t like the fact that these movies are so sexist! There always have to be this alpha male who has this grungy, dirty look with a beard. Of course they have to slap a love interest in there, in which they did at the very end, so fast. Why is that every action movie must have a love interest bounded by the shared tragedy. With the traumatizing events that goes on in the world, you rarely ever here people falling madly in love in the rate these movies make it out to be. The same formula is seen in so many movies it makes you not even want to watch them anymore.

Bad Teacher

There was no real antagonist throughout the movie other than the focus being on that one big bad dino. As soon as the antagonist was revealed he died instantly.

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Why a girl can’t be the badass? Why must the hero always look good in dirty clothes? It appears the target audience was middle Americans.

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I can say this…The token black guy survived the entire movie! I was waiting for him to die to even add more to the cliche. I assume with Hollywood the more the cliche the more money granted for the budget. (You do know race plays apart in budgets). Also, they made a lot of Jurassic Park references which was dope to me.

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In the end, I would say its a movie you stay home to watch. If you have kids, they would love it!

Annukai The Genie

Annukai The Genie

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Advantage of Foresight

“Okay! Alright, Genie,” I said rubbing my hands on the lamp. “Appear!”  With grace, a cloud of smoke oozed out from the head of the lamp. The white, formless, cloud morphed into an Egyptian figure, so real and so intricate in design. The genie named Annukai appeared before me with his arms crossed, stern in his stature. I reached touch the reality before me, but my hands slipped through him. Sharply, I withdrew my hands looking both ways. Am I transparent? “No, You are real. I am the won who is not dense. I cannot fully become in your likeness without sacrificing my consciousness. I worked too damn hard, too many lifetimes to reach this point. I refuse,” said Annukai the Genie reading my thoughts.

I smiled. “Great, well, lets sit down and have some tea. I have plenty of request.” I pulled out the chairs at my backyard for me and for him, however, when he sat down he still appeared to be floating. He explained how it was pointless to sit and have tea unless I care to the join the festivities alone. Which I didn’t mind, of course, it was more tea for me. “The tea will just make a mess. I can’t consume earthly things. And by the way you guys cook, I refuse. It’s unhealthy,” He babbled.

“You must think you are better than thou, huh? You know you was once human before. Cut you shit!” I yelled.
“Yeah, but back in my eons food was food. Now food is rude. Rude to body. Rude to the planet. Rude to the soul. Rude to the–”
“I GET IT! Can I get to my request please. You chat too much, bro!”
“As you wish.”
“Wait, I hope that didn’t count as for one of my wishes right, cause…”
“Wishes are unlimited, but no”

I explained to him how I troubled the future of today. It has been so much going on in the world from homophobia, the Confederate flag, Caitlyn Jenner, College. You know name it, it’s an issue. I wanted a sense of security in my life. I hope the future to be a lot more open. Free. Pleasant. This genie would be able to help me with my answer, I suppose. Annukai explain how although my wishes were unlimited each wish came with it a token of sacrifice. My specific request to see the future whenever I wanted cost me one day of my life span. “Everything in the universe is about balance,” he said.  Which I can totally agree with.

I agreed with the terms and conditions of wish making. I signed the bill with my blood, two tree leaves, and my gold ring. Perplexed I asked, “What you need my gold ring for?”

“I like Gold.”
“Excuse me…this ring is my favorite ring. That’s not fair. It’s not part of your ‘ritual’ I bet.”
” Its not you are right. But I like gold, so hand it over”, he demanded. I refused. “We are not continuing. I need one earth element for this process to be done.”

“Then use the dirt on the ground, you need me to bring some tap water, use my tea, use something else my ring is not even an element. It’s a ring, for Christ sake,” I said.
“Gold. Symbol AU. Atomic number 79. Melting point  1,948°F (1,064°C). Boiling Point  5,378°F (2,970°C). Atomic Mass 196.96657 ± 0.000004 u. Electron Configuration  [Xe] 4f14 5d10 6s1.” Annukai taunted. ” I like gold.”

“Oh Bitch, I give up.” I rolled my eyes handing him over my ring. It’s probably not even real gold anyways, just gold covered nickel or some shit.”
Nickle. Symbol Ni –”
“NOT AGAIN. JUST FINISH PLEASE,” I shouted. He laughed putting all the ingredients into some mysterious black box he formed in thin air. I was amazed by his magic, but then again, he is a genie after all. Once he closed the black box he stood still with a smile on his face. I looked at him awkwardly unbeknownst  to what is going on. I put my head down on the table feeling my stomach growl. This needs to hurry up.  I peeked above from my arms to check in on whats going on. “Annukai, is it done?” He stood immobile again.  I went to reach for the lamp underneath the table. I knocked on the lamp as if it was a door to my friends house. I repeatedly called his name when he snapped back into reality which caused me to jump backwards in fear.

“You humans lack patience,” he said.
“What the fuck bro! Don’t scare me like that!”

The deed was done, though I don’t know why he went away. I don’t even care at this point. I just want my powers. “Okay, sir so what will your first foresight out the day be?” He asked.
” I want to see what my mom will be making for dinner?”
“You do know, that will cost you one–”
“I am hungry!”

I figured, “Hey, Why Not Follow This Stranger Around”

I’m sitting in Starbucks with my laptop surfing the bloggers of WordPress. Starbucks is not my particular place, but its convenient.  This café is close to my home plus the weather is mild and comfortable to my skin. So I figured,”Hey, why not get some fresh air.” I ordered me several oatmeal cookies-which by  the way cost me a fortune-but it’s Sunday and I figured,”Hey, why not treat myself to my favorite cookies.” So I did.  I placed myself at a table for four. I am feeling somewhat like a humanitarian, otherwise, my ass would be at a table of two being very selfish with my space. Today is Sunday the sun is polite, I ordered my favorite cookies, so I fiqured, “Hey, why not be a little more inviting.” So I did.

I just finished posting on my blog “Too Good To Be True” When a figure decided to sit at the other end of the table. I took a quick glance. Then, I took another glance. This male is shirtless with a black Yankees baseball cap.  I did say the sun was polite, not  generous. I shrugged my shoulders without the care in the world. I thought maybe he is was waiting for somebody or maybe he was homeless. It’s none of my business anyways, the New York way!

I opened up YouTube on my browser and started playing Arianna Grande’s album that has been leaked.  I would buy the album, but this negro is broke until his credit card is clear! I was so in the zone I didn’t see the message my mother left me. “Did you cook dinner like I asked?” my mother texted. My jaw dropped I completely forgot about dinner. I checked the time and it read 6:45pm I am only 15 minutes away by foot which is enough time to cook dinner before my mom comes home.

I closed my laptop in a hurry and gathered my belonging. Before I left I took a quick glance at him. He was concentrating very deeply staring downward at the table.  “Yeah,” I thought “This guy is a weirdo.” It’s like why not meditate somewhere else.  I forward towards the door quickly thinking of maybe running home. Before I opened the double doors out of Starbucks, shirtless decides to grab my arm. I recoiled suddenly.

This guy face was chiseled with about a two week scruff on his jawline. He looked every eager and intense like I owed him something. Shirtless  asks for my name, and, for some reason, I replied. “It’s…Dontae, why?” I said cautiously. “I thought so,  I I’ve been looking for you. I need you to come with me now and you forgot this.” He handed me my half bitten oatmeal cookie I left on the table. “Oh my God, thank you this was a fortune,” I said.
“Okay, we must go.”
“Go where, I don’t even know you name”
“I cannot disclose our location yet, just trust me”
“And you name is…?”
“Black,” he responded.
“Black? That is so racist. You don’t even look black. You look Spanish and should change you name to Spaniard”
He made way out the store looking back at me chumping away on this cookie of love, “It means power.”
“I don’t care what it means,” I said “It can mean African-American. It is still racist and you needs to change you name.”
“Look time is of an essence are you coming or not?” he asked sternly.  I stood still in front of the doorway as he held the door open. I rolled my eyes and shrugged my shoulders. I figured, “Hey, its Sunday, nice weather, awesome cookies why not follow this stranger to an unknown location. It makes a great story to tell. I’ll have something to write about just in case WordPress makes a Prompt about strangers in a café. Like how rare that would be, right?

He took me to his all black Honda Accord. “You are so racist, its not even funny.” I screamed.  “Would you shut the fuck up already with that bullshit!” He blurted. I shook my head in disbelief. He showed me the inside of his trunk. It was filled with baby pictures of me, that I never seen before. “How the hell do you have this, where did you get this from?” I asked, worried. “Luke I am you father” he said in his best Dark Vader voice.
“You are so racist I swear, first you name is black then your car is black, now you pretending to be my dark father. You disgust me”

I awoken with the side my face red hot in a fetal position. It was pitched black and cramp. I think I am in the trunk of his car. I tried to feel around me to see if my laptop was still with me. I started to panic. I squirmed around the tight space into my pocket to call my mother. Then I thought, let me call my friend first. So I did.

“hey dontae, wait you still owe me my metrocard dumbass!”
“Shut up, Taylor, look…I think my dad kidnapped me”
“you have a dad,? he kidnapped you? where are you?”
“Look I don’t really know, just do me a favor. Go to my backyard there is a mat that is going to have my spare key to get in my house. Take it then make dinner before my mother comes home”
“Dontae are you okay?”
“Yes, Girl, Would you just do what I say please”
“I am about to call the police…”
“No! don’t look just do me that favor”
“I don’t know you already owe me a metrocard. I need to get to work….hello, are you there”
“Yes, sorry seems like we hit a bump are you going to do it or not?”
“yeah, fine, what is your dads name though?”
“It’s Black!”
“Oh Lord how racist that’s horrible”
“Right! I know, and his car is black too!”
“A Double whammy racist”
“Yes girl, okay I’m going. I’m going to text you when I can”
“Don’t forget about my metrocard either asswhole!”

Daily Prompt: Greetings, Stranger