You My Friend, Gotta Go…LIKE NOW!

It was the moment when I walked into the bathroom I declared he has to go! Brown coiled hair splattered across my beige and white walls, several cardboard rolls from the toilet paper scattered around the sink. “Is this that a thong?” I said while picking up this thin pink clothing with a piece of tissue. “Oh my God, its bloody!” I screamed immediately dropping everything out my hands. I wiped whatever germs I could have contacted on my shirt. I studied the bathroom a little longer with an obnoxious look stapled upon my face.  The sink and tub looked as if it was a Mardi Gras of homeless men ecstatic to touch hot water.  I took a deep breath.

I dropped my suitcase and my bags of gifts from Miami on my bed. I really wanted to jump on my bed and marvel on its grandiose softness. It Tempurpedic.  But I couldn’t, instead, I have to find and scold Mike. I heavily walked around my house taking note of all the things I am going to say to him when I find him. I bypass the kitchen, the living, I am not even going to look in the bathroom again, then I faced his door. I knocked fiercely, “Mike Yo! open the door!” I belted.  I turned the knob and it with surprise it was open, but I couldn’t barge in dramatically as I attended. The door only stopped midway giving me a small glimpse of his room.  Clothes were everywhere! I looked down to see what was possibly in the door tracks. I couldn’t make out what was the problem. I looked up at the hinges and took yet another deep breath. “Of course, an underwear taking a nap on top of the door, because you know why? that’s what they do, they say ‘fuck this shit and fuck drawers’ and take naps on top of doors” I said sarcastically. I removed the underwear hoping to finally be freed into the room but yet something else was blocking the door. I threw my hands up as if i was throwing a white flag. I’d given up. I decided to call his phone.
“Hey!” Mike went.
“Mike, buddy old pal, I am back from Miami” I said gleefully.
” I am good and you” mike replied. I became perplexed because I didn’t ask him about his well-being.
“What-”
“Sike! This is my answer machine Mike is not here right now so please leave a message after the tone suckers.”

I sat at the kitchen table waiting for his arrival. It was about 2:30 am when I heard the key jingle against the door. The rest of the house remained dark so it was easy for him to spot me. “Yo! who the fuck turned the lights-” Mike said stopping in mid sentence after he spot me in the kitchen. I walked towards him with open arms happy as ever to see my best friend from college. We greeted each other warmly making way to the kitchen table. He smelled like dark liquor and cigars. I hate cigars.  I told him briefly how I had an amazing time in Miami and he complimented the tan on my skin. I asked him if he had an exciting stores to tell and he shrugged and nodded.

“Look,” I said with my hands politely crossed against the marble table. “You got to pack up your shit and go!”
“What do you mean, why do I have to go?” he asked innocently.
“What the fuck do you mean-” I paused. I took a deep breath to remain my composure.  I was about to seconds from blacking out on him. “Mike, I am kicking you out. That means you plus the dirty thong, plus your slobish nature, equals bye-bye,” I said gesturing goodbye so he can visually understand me.
“Actually, if this about the underwear I can explain, I had a girl-”
“I don’t care if it was your dead grannies from 1764, you are going to marry that front door and honeymoon your way out of this apartment,” I interrupted.
“Well, can we agree to disagree and work out a probably solution. I have no where else to go so soon. It’s quite unfair” Mike said.
“excuse me?” I asked turning my ear towards him.
“Agree to disagree” Mike repeated condescendingly as if I were the stupid slob!
“This ain’t no mutherfucking survery! aint no agree to disagree about anything! This is my fucking house and you getting out. Now!” I slammed the table. “Court adjourned.” I got up out my seat to make way to his room. Mike continued to sit. ” I have squatters rights!” Mike yelled. I stopped abruptly  on the steps.  Turned around to see Mike still looking at the empty chair I was once in. He turned towards me with a sly smirk. “Squatters rights” he repeated.
I stared deep into his cynical eyes. This asshole wants to go to war. Then so be it.

Daily Prompt – Agree To Disagree

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