Summer Aromas

Freedom & Serenity

Summer Love

Pop! Goes the small cap on the lighter fluid before he sprinkles the kerosene on the dark carbon rocks. He strikes the match for the black bowl leading to a combustion of flames. The flames cradle the smell of summer to the top of my lip and I breathe in deeply the initiation of summer

I sit with my feet buried in the sand that still holds the warmth of the sun that settled under the horizon. My other two friends sidebar on topics I choose to not partake in. Not that it didn’t interest me, I just prefer to marvel in the moment.

I smell the dark colored sea reflecting the open skies that avails the moon and the stars. Plentiful it is tonight.  A circle of rocks margins the small fire created by me.

The moment is enhanced like a drug with music. Songs of the night that heightened my sense of well being where everything became aromatherapy.

Now I dance on the movable ground to the joyous of the many songs accompanied by nostalgia. I rip my two friends apart and we spin each other around and around then fall to the ground. Laughing hysterically at life and just being alive.

I got back up to dance with the waves and the salty ocean breeze.

Summer is here.

Daily prompt: summer scents
 
 Daily Prompt: Musical Marker 

What Am I To You…

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. -E.Gilbert Eat, Pray, Love,

I paused in mid sentence placing this book down looking up in mid air silenced in my thoughts. “Is this him” I thought for I have expressed many times how I have changed as a person through him. Through us being together. I want him to know I don’t want to hurt him although he may not trust me anymore. I want to say to him. It’s okay you don’t have to worry or be mad or upset or feel like you are any less than number one in my life. I always deep down promoted the need for him to always and for ever feel comfortable with me.

Knowing I’m don’t want to hurt him in anyway. I wanted him to have confidence in me in what ever I do even if it may go against his feelings. We would still be okay. I never wanted us to end up the way we did. I said many things he did not want to hear but to me it was my truth. As the hard to hear, unexplainable, words fueled even more raged in him. As his truth I could not accept but I did understand. We sounded like to people arguing about the sky being blue. One saying the north sky is blue and the other saying the south sky is blue. Two people arguing about the same side of the coin. No anymore right or wrong just experiences that can’t be agreed upon. Every time a finger is pointed it can be flipped and reversed. As if we walked in each others shoes feeling the same way about every situation at hand. Making it hard to equally except another’s feeling without saying..”I felt the same when  this occurred”

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. -Elizabeth Gilbert Eat Pray Love

I wanted him to tell me how I make him feel. That I make him happy. How special I make him feel. I didn’t want to assume or guess. I wanted to know. I wanted to know I was doing the right thing. Emotionally, I had a hard time to understand his emotional standpoint. He not really good in expressing those things. I assume he rather me not know.  This not knowing unconsciously made me reach more and do more, making my actions bigger and louder. Hoping he here’s my yearning for him to tell me…what he feels inside…through some actions I knew. However I wanted to hear or read these words like a vows in marriage.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master – e.gilbert eat pray love.

… Im not perfect as I thought I was. Nor was he as I thought he was. I however take pride in what I have done for him. He is the most stabled person I came in contact since my home friends in 2006. I met him in 2011 and been together ever since. Through that I have  had consistant change in my social life and the moment I lost in contact with him … I realized how much of my days were filled by him. The reason I kept my phone on. The reason to inspire me to explore new places. The reason I left my house. He gave me a reason to be proud of something. A purpose. A meaning. A goal,something to reach for, a craft to perfect. A human experience. He is more than he knows. I want to know how I am to him.

A letter to you

You may never read this. For you may never speak to me again and I wouldn’t know how you would fall upon this without me sending it to you. But I need to clear my conscious

You  don’t know how I handle stuff how I handle my issues and emotions. Just because it doesn’t appear through every action, and I don’t drop dead to every longing issue, does not dismiss or devalues how I feel INSIDE. I can hear the anger of my father one day and go to school the next like nothing ever happened, so don’t you ever dare say how I felt before this was a lie!

It’s very hard on me that you left. Its feels like a major part of me has been gone. Like you we were  just an imaginative state for over a thousand days. Fragments of dreams stuck in limbo and it hurts me.

Did I mean anything to you? How can it be easy of you to just immediately stop speaking to me so instantly? Do you know how this makes me feel. The man I had some many dreams to fill so many memories to make.

Its fucking me up mentally. I wish you could fucking understand. I feel crazy and insane for knowing this imaginary world I built in my head that fueled the things I’ve done for you is….

In my mind I had settled. I built our future to far ahead naively thinking you would never leave. I naively expected you to lift me off my feet and save me from me. When I came to realize no one can save me from me but me. I had blind faith for reasons I do not know.

I love you. I built part of me in this relationship and its taken from me. At least  I would do is small talk. Being friends. I always thought you would be part of my life forever. No matter together or not

My fantasy shattered and I’m forced to face the reality of myself and this ordeal. I feel empty and lost urge to do anything. Don’t pity for i have spent my days at home watching Netflix and going to work.

Your image of me is wrong. You somehow think I would continue in my ever so fulfilled social life and “friends” when you have not yet graps the reality of it. Out of all of my ever changing social experiences YOU were the only thing consistant and I layed part of me in that. That I am not alone. That no matter who comes in and out my life. You would always be there.

I’m still not whom you may think I am. And I am for sure your assumptions of me now, in this absences of us, is wrong.

I am not okay. I am not okay. I haven’t exhaled my emotions just bottled them up I can’t bring myself to release what I feel.

All I want to do is cope while in your arms although I am hurt by you i want to cry. That’s seems like the only way I can move on, since this is what you want.

Its extremely hard writing this. I… I just… Love you.

Longing for Gravity…and Food.

Okay! So the Bible was right after all and so were the conspiracy theorist.
I look out the small window at the huge blue star that was once my home.
I should be happy I got this chance to float in the air deporting into this huge space of omni-consciousness. But I am not, I am going to miss my planet and home.

so you are probably wondering why I am in this ship floating? well, the first thing is because there is no gravity in space obviously. Secondly, The government destroyed our home. These aliens came and attacked us. The aliens however were government creations that they used to stage this alien vs human war. They did this so we can all be one and having unison way of living. Yeah, the government failed.

So in return we are flying to Mars to start anew. Mars is no longer a dead red planet. It’s currently in the process of being an Earth duplicate.
But no one can duplicate perfection. When are humans going to learn this?
Oh look, a huge dark red mushroom cloud is sprouting from Earth, please and I pray let that be Sallie Mae.
Earth; It’s dying a slow death.

You know as much as I dreamed of being out of space I always thought I will be able to return to my house to make a cheeseburger
Oh the agony and despair I am going to miss many things
The way the summer sun wakes wakes me up at 7 am when it finally reaches my window.
The morning rays welcomed in by my open curtains colored in beige.
I’m going to miss when my toes press against the morning dew on the grass creating a ticklish sensation.

I’m going to miss the transparent blanket above me that nature used to dance, paint, and sing its forces.
I love the way the hard rain hits the concrete, it sounds like a soft waterfall I never got the chance to see.
The even tempered spring winds that grazed through my Afro and laminated my skin.

There better be some fried shrimp and lobster in mars for me to devour. I want an order of pristine water, Junior Cheesecake, and cookie dough ice cream.

Pizza better cost a dollar like it did in New York City or else they would have a stern talk coming their way. I have no mars money either so they better have so sympathy.
“Look martians my home go destroyed by devil infested humans, I need to eat!” I would say, only if they try me!

What about my Facebook!
and my Netflix!

OH MY GOD! MY CELLPHONE!

At least my college debt is destroyed, I hope…

Daily Prompt: Longing for Gravity