Several Days Later…
I was set for my first surgery. By this time my infectious disease was cleared to a safe level. So people didn’t have to walk around me with gas masks as prevention. My legs weakened, but I wasn’t aware how fast your legs actually gets week. I was already in a strict bed rest for about four days straight. I was moved for the third time to a room with a roommate. I didn’t like it. I liked the spacious privacy ICU provided. Luckily, I had the bed to the window. This window was my key hope to dream.
I looked at this window and watch the sun walk across the sky with confidence. I saw the overview of the entire Bronx and the Manhattan buildings. I timed when exactly the sun will reach to my window so I can try to gaze and absorbed the light.
I never knew what it was like to not have the freedom to go outside when I wanted to.
I never knew what it was like to not have the freedom to choose what I wear.
I lost the freedom to breathe fresh air. I lost the freedom to watch TV. I lost freedom to be social, to be me. All I did in my days before judgment day was sit in the one bed and watch TV repeat it’s self 3 times a day. I definitely learned that Cable is rip off.
The day of surgery came. I was boarded downstairs in a waiting room as the countdown began. The process went as follows: The doctors, about four of them were going to open the back of my ear and drill a hole. This process is called a mastoidectomy. From scans they found out a large collections of cells in my inner ear which is suppose to be empty for sound to travel. The inferred that was the reason for my chronic infections as it was from birth.
The put me to sleep. I wake up four hours later. groggy, fatigued, and down right numb. The doctor however gave me bad news. They couldn’t get all the cells from out my ear it was so much. It destroyed all the soft bone in my inner ear and also reached in the balance part in my ear. I started to cry immediately.
In my room I spent Halloween there, with some positive thinking I thought well, why not be Vince Van Gough. I mean, like, he had one ear and looked fashionable. Plus, we both shared the same brace over the face. Around this time a few of my family members came. My mother came almost everyday since I been here and a few friends. I was grateful.
I couldn’t hear though out my ear with the brace, Nor could I walk, my stomach was extremely constipated with the constant 24hr antibiotic I was one. This was the horrid of the whole experience. I did not want to walk around with that damn IV machine. I felt like I was way stronger than moving around that 6 foot four legged metal garbage. I refuse to identify with that thing. With every given chance I tried to unhook myself from it.
The last wave came. The surgeon came to me a few days later, which is nearing towards my second week there, she told me how I was going to need a second surgery and I need to consent to it. This surgery was going to be even more intense with a life changing cost. I were to completely loose my hearing in order to permanently put this cause to rest. Also, they were going to remove the balance in my ear since it too was eroded away by the devil. I exclaimed in dismay the tragic news. All that I knew instantly when to shambles. I didn’t know how to cope with this. This was the lost my spirit has been broken.
In the same token I grew awareness to those spirits who has been broken like my brother, homeless people, those in catastrophe. It’s a heavy burden greater then yourself that locks your thoughts in a realm of negativity. There is no such thing as light when your spirit is truly broken.
I consented the surgery. I had no choice. I undergo another 4-5 hour surgery. The day before and day of I heavily recited a mantra Ra Ma Da Sa Sa Say So Hung. Meant for healing and safe recovery. I repeated this like my life depended on it which it did. If not, I was told to have to keep getting this surgery for the rest of my life if they cannot get every single cell out! They were not going to make me a profitable thing.
After the surgery I was extremely drowsy even worse then before. The sedation was said to be much heavy and longer than before. All I saw was my mom again and my aunt sitting with me in the recovery room when I woke up. “Son, they were able to remove every single cell from your ear”
I cried again so strong yet still so weak from the sedation. I could barely speak. Happiness marathon across my cheeks before she could even say “ear”. It was such a heart warming feeling to know that all of this was over.
Completely over.
For good.
I figured thought it was me saying that mantra over and over even while I was being put under sleep. I was just glad to put this thing to rest. It took some time to getting used though not being able to hear from the left side. Isn’t much different then hearing out of both. There are some disadvantages, but none like what I thought when I first got the news. I thought I had to change careers .. No more Tv/radio. no more tv personality.
No hearing Aide either, if you saw what robot they had that will be attach to my head. NO MADAME!
Me Sardonic, Me Sarcastic 