I Wouldn’t be a blogger if I didn’t speak about LOVE!
I think what I needed was a break. Just seperate for a a while to have the pressure of being in a relationship of my mind for a moment. That’s where I am at right now.
I found my soulmate at 18 years young. I am now of 21 years. Three years for the first time in exsistence I put myself into someone else incompletely. The reason I say Incomplete is because, I wasnt complete in myself; I am still not. These past years I never have been disciplined, matured, and explored myself ever so rapidly. I was understanding without knowing what is was like to be human and experience emotion.
I wasnt a cold hearted bitch before this. I had little knowledge about the deep manifestation of feelings so strong for a stranger. I expierenced that euphoric high that songs sing about all the time. In the same token I never knew the effects on how far you can ignore yourself when so into someone else. This is was one of my many, many conflicts.
90% of my thoughts were shared amongst him. For instance, he would be put into factor when I go shopping, hang with friends, Phone conversations, what I wear, were I go. And no, he wasnt a strict bearing guy either, it was just what it was. Most of my thoughts consist of what he like, what places we can go, things to do…
From me ignoring my needs it caused me to ask from him much more. Frequently I’ll have my downward spiral of exuashtion mostly mental. This probably why parents go away from their children for more mental reasons then physical. The constant clash and disharmony effect all areas on my life. As I break up my life into 4 components: Work/school life, home life, Love life, social life. My love was the most important since my energy mostly went to that. So a bad argument can cause a major inbalance in all other areas.
I think my nature which is usually with the winds cause me to do things on the whim with no direct reason. I know this blew crazy to his firey direct nature. Trust me the results combust colofully
To draw this full circle I needed that break. I need to reset my button or start over like if we reached the pinnacle of over relationship. Metaphorically, like death and rebirth. I honestly there is no one out there like him. Very rarely you come across someone that appeals to you wholesomely. Who punches you in the arm playfully as a public sign of affection, as a morse code? Who draws fictional Pokemon charcters from the old seasons? He doesnt smoke or drink, I hate smoking habits and alcoholics bother me. Who’s birthday matches my Initials D.L. In the alphabet?
Through my struggling self identity and cold feet approaching three years caused us to clash almost a month ago. This absence making my heart grow fonder and happier as I anticipate the day I see him again. The day I feel like a little boy on christmas Day.
I learned that each relationship is different. Almost like art creative in its own right. Couples should embrace their individuality as couple compared to others. Following these rule books and templates on how we are suppose to act and do, does not work everybody IF anybody! no couple is more right or better as an individual is not. So embrace your own dynamic with your lover. Do whats best for y’all not the image of Hollywood.
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